you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
