my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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