went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
