That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
