I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
