Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
