I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
