I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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