she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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