I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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