i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
