he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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