Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
ttyl tear gas
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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