Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
