He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
