I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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