his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm getting married
To pizza
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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