This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I have vodka in my lungs
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
