I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
