I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I touched a dick in church today
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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