So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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