P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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