remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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