xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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