Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
