The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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