Can i not drive my cunt home
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it glows. i had to have it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
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