how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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