The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
