Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it hurts more in the daytime
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
