You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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