I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
