My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize