i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
