hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
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So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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