No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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