mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
