LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
