haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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