I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
