I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
