Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
