I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
