I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
