I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish you could order shots online.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We left the knife in your bed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
