The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
