i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
