my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
