My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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