His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
