dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
