I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
