you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The uberlube is also flammable
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
