And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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