she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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