I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
