I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
