you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
