I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
