he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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