how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
