Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Everclear isn't food dammit
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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