I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
someone owes me an orgasm
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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