Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
