Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just found a bag of teeth...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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