I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
