you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
