I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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