Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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