sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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