Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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