broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
