i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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