she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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