I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
